It’s a common reaction to root for the underdog in an unjust situation. I did just that in junior high school. On this particular day, a fellow student was being (what is now referred to as) bullied by some of our classmates. She cried out and attracted the attention of the teacher who then reprimanded her in front of the class. This only made matters worse for the girl, Debbie. I took a stand, which was disruptive enough to get me suspended for the one and only time in my school years. The problem with my reaction was that this was only a temporary fix for Debbie and not very helpful to me. Although it was a start to my speaking out when things didn’t feel right.

Throughout my remaining time at that school, Debbie continued to be picked on by our classmates. The question is why. Why do some people from very similar educational backgrounds work for people that disrespect them while others are adored and held in high esteem? What is the difference? “You teach people how to treat you.” I’ve heard Dr. Phil say. If chronic results from various partners, employers, friends, family members, etc. are experienced over and over again one must begin to ask themselves what is the constant in these situations. The obvious answer is (if you are asking yourself) me.

Having gone down this road myself, I thought that it meant I was unworthy, not good enough, smart enough, important enough, fill in the blank. The truth is that it’s how we feel about ourselves that leads us to the wrong conclusion, always seeing ourselves to blame! In my situation, there was something regarding me but it wasn’t that I wasn’t smart enough, good enough, deserving or worthy. It was that my actions and beliefs about myself were what made it okay to stay in bad situations no matter how painful they were, even if I was suicidal. I felt and on some level believed that I was deserving of what I was getting. What’s more important is that those same thoughts, feelings and beliefs are what lead me to these scenarios to begin with.

Changing the job, the boyfriend, girlfriend, etc. usually only brings temporary relief because the beliefs and stories we tell ourselves about who we are and what we deserve haven’t changed. Until change occurs on the inside individuals will continue to invite that same boss, coworker, partner, friend, etc. It will be business as usual after a short honeymoon period. The outside world will always reflect back to you your values and sense of worth.

If you can relate to this on any level for yourself or a friend I want hear from you. I want you to know that the lies that have been dictating your life can be stopped but only if you are willing to make the change. It’s not easy but it’s better, so very much better on the other side. You are worthy, you are deserving, you are worth it! No one can love or value you more than you do. Isn’t it time to raise the bar? Sign up for a life changing discovery session now, www.lucindasmith.com.

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